Got GED? The Army National Guard Wants YOU!

I was a bit surprised about a week ago when two local army recruiters showed up at my GED classroom in uniform. They wanted to talk to me about a new deal the army has. You can now sign up for the Army National Guard with only your GED! They wanted my permission to recruit in my classroom.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Just this last week on the news I heard that the National Guard wants to now give Guard members $15,000 bonuses instead of the $50 bonuses that they now give them to reenlist. And I have had more students in my class this year who need help with the Army's aptitude test (especially the math), and I have not refused to help them. But as I told the recruiters, I draw the line at allowing recruiters to use class time to recruit my students. If the principal of our school ordered me to allow them to speak to my students during class time, then of course, I would have to think about what I would do.

These two guys, good salesmen, began their pitch, by telling me that I had signed up for the National Guard two years ago, and now they were coming to collect me. I didn't really think the joke was all that funny. During Operation Desert Storm, I told them, I stood in front of trains and trucks filled with bombs leaving the Concord Naval Weapons Station. When the police would ask me to leave, I told them I would be happy to if they could assure me that the bombs aboard the trucks would not be used on civilians. They would never give me this assurance. So the police would cite us, and sometimes arrest us for trespassing, take us far away from the Weapon's Station, and leave us there, to figure out how to get back to the Weapon's Station and our cars. During this war, a friend and I organized a peace vigil which meets once a month in front of the court house. Once one of these recruiters ran by on his morning jog and told us that "People like you don't care that people like me are out there saving your sorry ass." That's funny, I thought it was people like me standing out in the rain and heat for two years protesting that was saving his sorry ....

So, no, I told them, I was sure I hadn't signed up for the National Guard since I have been a conscientious objector to war in all forms for some time. I guess they didn't see the "War is not the Answer" and "Jesus was a pacifist" bumperstickers on my car. As they left, they offered to give me some preparation books for the test they were giving people once they received their GEDs. I accepted their offer.But it has been two weeks and I haven't received any books. They asked me if they held an informational meeting in the high school subjects classroom, would I let my students know about it? Yes, I said, of course (but then they held the meeting without contacting me).

As I came back into my classroom I looked at my students and imagined them soldiers, because no matter what the recruiters tell you, folks, if you join the National Guard now, you are very likely to be shipped to Iraq. I thought about these people as occupiers of another country, carrying weapons, and the target of car bombs, for they wouldn't be cannon fodder in this war. And I thought about my husband's father, scarred for life by his experience as a navy seaman on the USS Pillsbury as it captured a German u-boat. I thought about his alcoholism and the emotional pain he suffered. I though about a neighbor of mine in my small town who was at the Battle of the Bulge and still can't talk about the horrors he saw without feeling he is having a mental breakdown. I thought about a little girl reading Life Magazine during the Viet-Nam War and writing a letter to President Johnson asking him to stop the killing of all people in the name of justice and freedom.

That little girl was me.

Then, I thought a letter to the president would stop the war that each night caused the nightly news to scroll the names of the soldiers -- a list so long-- it made we children grave and awestruck. Then, the soldiers who died had names, they weren't just "31 Soldiers Killed in a helicopter crash." Now we don't see photos of our soldiers and the Iraqi people wounded. We don't have the thirty one names scrolling down the news. This is an anonymous war, until it comes to our classrooms.

I began to wonder if I wasn't contributing to the war effort if I prepared students to take their army examinations. Up until the recruiters came, I convinced myself that it was just like preparing students for the CODESP, the CBEST, or any other test. Now I know that like Schindler's Jewish workers at the munitions factory, that if I do a bad job, maybe I would be doing a good job. Maybe I was wrong to see it as similar, since in preparing these students well I may be sending them to their deaths -- or to kill someone else.

So here are the names for January 2005 of our soldiers who have been killed this month. Scroll down for yourself. They have names, faces, and families. They had families who loved them and teachers who cared about them.


Marine Lance Cpl. Brian P. Parrello, 19, of West Milford, N.J.; assigned to Small Craft Company, Headquarters Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.; killed Jan. 1 by enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Army Spc. Jeff LeBrun, 21, of Buffalo, N.Y.; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 15th Field Artillery Regiment, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.; killed Jan. 1 when his military vehicle was struck by an improvised explosive device in Baghdad.


Army Sgt. 1st Class Pedro A. Munoz, 47, of Aquada, Puerto Rico; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 7th Special Forces Group, Fort Bragg, N.C.; died Jan. 2 in Shindand, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained Jan. 1 when his patrol encountered enemy fire.


Army Sgt. Jeremy R. Wright, 31, of Shelbyville, Ind.; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 1st Special Forces Group, Fort Lewis, Wash.; killed Jan. 3 when his military vehicle hit an improvised explosive device in Asadabad, Afghanistan.

Marine Sgt. Thomas E. Houser, 22, of Council Bluffs, Iowa; assigned to 2nd Force Reconnaissance Company, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.; killed Jan. 3 by enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.


Army Sgt. Bennie J. Washington, 25, of Atlanta; assigned to the 44th Engineer Battalion, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Howze, Korea; died Jan. 4 in Brooke Army Medical Center, San Antonio, of injuries sustained Oct. 14 when his military vehicle was struck by a rocket-propelled grenade in Ramadi, Iraq.

Army Pfc. Curtis L. Wooten III, 20, of Spanaway, Wash.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 77th Armor Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany; killed Jan. 4 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his military vehicle in Balad, Iraq.

Army Spc. Joshua S. Marcum, 33, of Evening Shade, Ark.; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 153rd Infantry Regiment, 39th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, Arkansas Army National Guard, Camden, Ark.; killed Jan. 4 when an improvised explosive devise detonated near his military vehicle in Taji, Iraq. Also killed were Spc. Jimmy D. Buie and Army Spc. Jeremy W. McHalffey.

Army Spc. Jeremy W. McHalffey, 28, of Mabelvale, Ark.; assigned to the 39th Infantry Brigade, Arkansas Army National Guard, Little Rock, Ark.; killed Jan. 4 when an improvised explosive devise detonated near his military vehicle in Taji, Iraq. Also killed were Spc. Jimmy D. Buie and Spc. Joshua S. Marcum.

Army Spc. Jimmy D. Buie, 43, of Floral, Ark.; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 153rd Infantry Regiment, 39th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, Arkansas Army National Guard, Fordyce, Ark.; killed Jan. 4 when an improvised explosive devise detonated near his military vehicle in Taji, Iraq. Also killed were Spc. Jeremy W. McHalffey and Spc. Joshua S. Marcum.

Army Pvt. Cory R. Depew, 21, of Beech Grove, Ind.; assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 14th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.; killed Jan. 4 when a rocket-propelled grenade struck his Stryker military vehicle in Mosul, Iraq.


Marine Lance Cpl. Julio C. Cisneros Alvarez, 22, of Pharr, Texas; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.; killed Jan. 6 by hostile action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Marine Sgt. Zachariah S. Davis, 25, of Twentynine Palms, Calif.; assigned to the 3rd Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.; killed Jan. 6 by enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Army Spc. Warren A. Murphy, 29, of Marrero, La.; assigned to the 256th Infantry Brigade (Mechanized), Louisiana Army National Guard, Lafayette, La.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, Spc. Armand L. Frickey and Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn.

Army Spc. Armand L. Frickey, 20, Houma, La.; assigned to the 256th Infantry Brigade (Mechanized), Louisiana Army National Guard, Lafayette, La.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, Spc. Warren A. Murphy and Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn.

Army Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, 24, of LaPlace, La.; assigned to the 256th Infantry Brigade (Mechanized), Louisiana Army National Guard, Lafayette, La.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, Spc. Armand L. Frickey, Spc. Warren A. Murphy and Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn.

Army Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, 25, of Houma, La.; assigned to the 256th Infantry Brigade (Mechanized), Louisiana Army National Guard, Lafayette, La.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, Spc. Armand L. Frickey, Spc. Warren A. Murphy and Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn.

Army Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, 27, of Houma, La.; assigned to the 256th Infantry Brigade (Mechanized), Louisiana Army National Guard, Lafayette, La.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, Spc. Armand L. Frickey, Spc. Warren A. Murphy and Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn.

Army Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, 34, of Raceland, La.; assigned to the 256th Infantry Brigade (Mechanized), Louisiana Army National Guard, Lafayette, La.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, Spc. Armand L. Frickey, Spc. Warren A. Murphy and Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn.

Army Pfc. Kenneth G. Vonronn, 20, of Bloomingburg, N.Y.; assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 69th Infantry Regiment, 42nd Infantry Division, New York Army National Guard, New York, N.Y.; killed Jan. 6 with six of his fellow soldiers when an improvised explosive device struck their Bradley fighting vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed were Sgt. 1st Class Kurt J. Comeaux, Sgt. Christopher J. Babin, Spc. Bradley J. Bergeron, Spc. Huey P.L. Fassbender, Spc. Armand L. Frickey and Spc. Warren A. Murphy.


Army Pfc. Daniel F. Guastaferro, 27, of Las Vegas; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, Camp Casey, Korea; killed Jan. 7 when his military vehicle left the road and went into a canal in Ramadi, Iraq.


Army Spc. Dwayne J. McFarlane Jr., 20, of Cass Lake, Minn.; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 15th Field Artillery Regiment, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y. killed Jan. 9 when his dismounted patrol was hit by an improvised explosive device in Baghdad.

Marine Cpl. Joseph E. Fite, 23, of Round Rock, Texas; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 23rd Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Marine Forces Reserve, Austin, Texas; killed Jan. 9 by enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.


Army Sgt. Robert W. Sweeney III, 22, of Pineville, La.; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 156th Infantry Regiment, 256th Infantry Brigade, Louisiana Army National Guard, Lake Charles, La.; killed Jan. 10 when an improvised explosive device hit his military vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed was Army Staff Sgt. William F. Manuel.

Army Staff Sgt. William F. Manuel, 34, of Kinder, La.; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 156th Infantry Regiment, 256th Infantry Brigade, Louisiana Army National Guard, Lake Charles, La.; killed Jan. 10 when an improvised explosive device hit his military vehicle in Baghdad. Also killed was Army Sgt. Robert W. Sweeney III.


Army Spc. Michael J. Smith, 24, of Media, Pa.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Casey, Korea; killed Jan. 11 when his military vehicle was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade in Ramadi, Iraq.


Marine Lance Cpl. Juan R. Rodriguez Velasco, 23, of El Cenizo, Texas; assigned to 1st Battalion, 23rd Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Marine Forces Reserve, Corpus Christi, Texas; died Jan. 13 of injuries sustained due to enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew W. Holloway, 21, of Fulton, Texas; assigned to 1st Battalion, 23rd Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division, Marine Forces Reserve, Corpus Christi, Texas; died Jan. 13 of injuries sustained due to enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Army Pfc. Gunnar D. Becker, 19, of Forestburg, S.D.; assigned to 2nd Battalion, 63rd Armor Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Vilseck, Germany; died Jan. 13 of non-combat-related injuries in Mosul, Iraq.

Army Sgt. 1st Class Brian A. Mack, 36, of Phoenix; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.; killed Jan. 13 when an improvised explosive device hit his military vehicle in Mosul, Iraq.


Marine Cpl. Paul C. Holter III, 21, of Corpus Christi, Texas; assigned to 2nd Battalion, 11th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.; died Jan. 14 in a non-combat-related incident at Camp Ramadi, Iraq.


Marine Sgt. Jayton D. Patterson, 26, of Sedley, Va.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.; killed Jan. 15 by enemy action in Babil province, Iraq.

Army Sgt. Nathaniel T. Swindell, 24, of Bronx, N.Y.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, Fort Lewis, Wash.; died Jan. 15 of a non-combat-related injury in Mosul, Iraq.


Army Spc. Alain L. Kamolvathin, 21, of Blairstown, N.J.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 69th Infantry Regiment, New York Army National Guard, New York, N.Y.; killed Jan. 16 in a motor vehicle accident in Baghdad.


Army Pfc. Francis C. Obaji, 21, of Queens Village, N.Y.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 69th Infantry Regiment, New York Army National Guard, New York, N.Y.; died Jan. 17 in the 86th Combat Support Hospital, Baghdad, after he was involved in a motor vehicle accident Jan. 16 in Baghdad.

Army Pfc. George R. Geer, 27, of Cortez, Colo.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Casey, Korea; killed Jan. 17 when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his position in Ramadi, Iraq. Also killed was Army Staff Sgt. Thomas E. Vitagliano.

Army Staff Sgt. Thomas E. Vitagliano, 33, of New Haven, Conn.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Casey, Korea; killed Jan. 17 when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his position in Ramadi, Iraq. Also killed was Army Pfc. George R. Geer.

Army Pfc. Jesus Fonseca Jr., 19, of Marietta, Ga.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Casey, Korea; killed Jan. 17 when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his position in Ramadi, Iraq.

Army Capt. Christopher J. Sullivan, 29, of Princeton, Mass.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas; killed Jan. 18 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his parked vehicle in Baghdad.

Army Capt. Joe F. Lusk II, 25, of Reedley, Calif.; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 3rd Aviation Regiment, Fort Bragg, N.C.; died Jan. 21 of non-combat-related injuries at Camp Buehring, Kuwait.

Army Sgt. Kyle W. Childress, 29, of Terre Haute, Ind.; assigned to the 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany; died of wounds received in Duluiyah, Iraq, when his unit was attacked by enemy forces using small arms fire, on Jan. 21 in Balad, Iraq.

Army 1st Lt. Nainoa K. Hoe, 27, of Kailua, Hawaii; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.; died Jan. 22 in Mosul, Iraq, of wounds received when he was attacked by enemy forces using small-arms fire.

Army Staff Sgt. Jose C. Rangel, 43, of Saratoga, Calif.; assigned to the 1106th Aviation Classification Repair Activity Depot, California Army National Guard, Fresno, Calif.; died Jan. 23 of non-combat-related injuries in Camp Arifjan, Kuwait.

Army Sgt. Leonard W. Adams, 42, of Mooresville, N.C.; assigned to the 105th Military Police Battalion, 18th Military Police Brigade, North Carolina Army National Guard, Asheville, N.C.; died Jan. 24 of non-combat-related injuries at Camp Bucca, Iraq.

Army Sgt. Brett D. Swank, 21, of Northumberland, Pa.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 509th Infantry Regiment, Fort Polk, La.; killed Jan. 24 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his position in Baghdad.

Marine Sgt. Jesse W. Strong, 24, of Irasburg, Vt.; assigned to the 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Corps Reserve, Lynchburg, Va.; killed Jan. 26 by enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Marine Lance Cpl. Michael L. Starr Jr., 21, of Baltimore; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Nathan A. Schubert, 22, of Cherokee, Iowa; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Gael Saintvil, 24, of Orange, Fla.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Nathaniel K. Moore, 22, of Champaign, Ill.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Tony L. Hernandez, 22, of Canyon Lake, Texas; assigned to Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 361, Marine Aircraft Group 16, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif.; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Kyle J. Grimes, 21, of Northampton, Pa.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Richard A. Gilbert Jr., 26, of Montgomery, Ohio; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Timothy M. Gibson, 23, of Hillsborough, N.H.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine 1st Lt. Travis J. Fuller, 26, of Granville, Mass.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Sgt. Michael W. Finke Jr., 28, of Huron, Ohio; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Staff Sgt. Brian D. Bland, 26, of Weston, Wyo.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Joseph B. Spence, 24, of Scotts Valley, Calif.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Matthew R. Smith, 24, of West Valley, Utah; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine 1st Lt. Dustin M. Shumney, 30, of Vallejo, Calif.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Darrell J. Schumann, 25, of Hampton, Va.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Hector Ramos, 20, of Aurora, Ill.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Rhonald D. Rairdan, 20, of San Antonio, Texas; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Mourad Ragimov, 20, of San Diego, Calif.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. James L. Moore, 24, of Roseburg, Ore.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Allan Klein, 34, of Clinton Township, Mich.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Staff Sgt. Dexter S. Kimble, 30, of Houston, Texas; assigned to Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 361, Marine Aircraft Group 16, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif.; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Cpl. Sean P. Kelly, 23, of Gloucester, N.J.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Saeed Jafarkhani-Torshizi Jr., 24, of Fort Worth, Texas; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Lance Cpl. Brian C. Hopper, 21, of Wynne, Ark.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Capt. Lyle L. Gordon, 30, of Midlothian, Texas; assigned to Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 361, Marine Aircraft Group 16, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing,

Marine Lance Cpl. Jonathan E. Etterling, 22, of Wheelersburg, Ohio; assigned to 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Marine Capt. Paul C. Alaniz, 32, of Corpus Christi, Texas; assigned to Marine Heavy Helicopter Squadron 361, Marine Aircraft Group 16, 3rd Marine Aircraft Wing, Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, Calif.; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter in which he was riding crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Twenty-nine Marines and one sailor also were killed.

Army Sgt. William S. Kinzer Jr., 27, of Hendersonville, N.C.; assigned to the 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany; killed Jan. 26 when a rocket-propelled grenade hit his patrol in Duluiyah, Iraq.

Marine Cpl. Christopher L. Weaver, 24, of Fredericksburg, Va.; assigned to the 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Corps Reserve, Lynchburg, Va.; killed Jan. 26 by enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Marine Lance Cpl. Karl R. Linn, 20, of Chesterfield, Va.; assigned to the 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Corps Reserve, Lynchburg, Va.; died Jan. 26 of wounds sustained in enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Marine Cpl. Jonathan W. Bowling, 23, of Patrick, Va.; assigned to the 4th Combat Engineer Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Corps Reserve, Lynchburg, Va.; died Jan. 26 of wounds sustained in enemy action in Anbar province, Iraq.

Army Spc. Taylor J. Burk, 21, of Amarillo, Texas; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas; killed Jan. 26 when an improvised explosive device struck his vehicle in Baghdad.

Marine Lance Cpl. Fred L. Maciel, 20, of Spring, Texas; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter he was in crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Also killed was Marine Cpl. Stephen P. Johnson.

Marine Cpl. Stephen P. Johnson, 24, of Covina, Calif.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Marine Corps Base Hawaii; killed Jan. 26 when the CH-53E helicopter he was in crashed near Rutbah, Iraq. Also killed was Marine Lance Cpl. Fred L. Maciel.

Navy Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class John D. House, 28, of Ventura, Calif.; assigned to Naval Medical Clinic Hawaii, Marine Corps Units Detachment, Pearl Harbor; killed Jan. 26 in a helicopter crash near Rutbah, Iraq. Thirty Marines were also killed.


Army Pfc. Kevin M. Luna, 26, of Oxnard, Calif.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 63rd Armor Regiment, 1st Infantry Division, Vilseck, Germany; died Jan. 27 of non-combat-related injuries in Muqdadiyah, Iraq.

Stepping in the Same Stream Twice

Words others have spoken in the past month haunt me.

"The worst thing about having fibromyalgia is that it doesn't allow me to be the person I really I am because of the pain. I am generally a really playful, joyful, person, but when I am in pain, I can't act that way," says another teacher I know.

"I wake up in the middle of the night with the pain. So I just get this massage tool I made and I massage my back until the pain subsides enough for me to go to sleep again," says my brother-in-law.

"The good thing about knowing it is fibromyalgia is that even though it is painful and will never be cured, your joints won't become deformed, " says the rheumatologist.

"The pain of FM is profound, widespread and chronic. It knows no boundaries, migrating to all parts of the body and varying in intensity. FM pain has been described as deep muscular aching, throbbing, twitching, stabbing and shooting pain that defines the very existence of the Fibromyalgia patient. Neurological complaints such as numbness, tingling and burning are often present and add to the discomfort of the patient. The severity of the pain and stiffness is often worse in the morning. Aggravating factors which affect pain include cold/humid weather, non-restorative sleep, physical and mental fatigue, excessive physical activity, physical inactivity, anxiety and stress," says the National Fibromyalgia Association Website.


"One of the other people I clean house for has fibromyalgia too. I don't know how you feel about it, but you know you can get a prescription for medical marijuana," says the person who helps me clean my house, and the next week she gives me this woman's phone number.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" says my eight year old son.

"Oh, you poor thing. That is a lot to have to deal with," says my friend with brain cancer.

Usually I am not at a loss for words, yet when I try to think how to write about the knowledge that I too, have fibromyalgia, the words seem like mossy rocks-- I cannot find my footing and keep slipping. The pain is a stream, sometimes quiet, sometimes rushing and pushing over boulders as rapids. I see it stretching before me, interminably, and for a moment, I look with dread on the future. For probably the first time in my life, I am not sure I want to continue this journey. I'm getting cold feet.

About a month before I saw the rheumatologist, I saw an angel. At least, I think it was an angel. I was sitting playing Pokemon cards with my son when I was gripped by an intense feeling that something was pressing really hard in the middle of my chest. I thought, I might be having a heart attack, but, I reasoned, it could also be some kind of panic attack, so either way, the best thing would be to remain calm. And so I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing like I do in meditation. I saw a beautiful blinding light that I knew was some kind of divine being. It spoke to me not really in words, but mind to mind, asking me if I was ready to go, because if I was, it said, I had permission to leave now. But my answer was, I wasn't ready, and I didn't want to leave in front of both my kids, and have them have to deal with that memory.

I chose life. Although I didn't really know it at the time, I was choosing to continue wading in this stream.

Later, at the hospital emergency room, I recounted the physical symptoms, but I didn't tell anyone about the angel. As I lay in the ER, as I took the nitro tablet and had an EKG, I didn't tell my doctor, even though I know he is a religious man. I didn't tell my husband at first, because he looked pretty scared already. I think I know the definition of awe now. I felt as if I had looked upon the face of God -- the peace that passeth understanding.

Heraclitus said, "You cannot step twice in the same stream. For as you are stepping in, other and yet other waters flow on." I had the illusion, if briefly, that by hearing the experience of other people with fibromyalgia, I could predict my own. But the idea that we are all wading in the same stream is an illusion. I have to remind myself that I chose pain when I could have been released, and I can only hope that my soul knows the reason.

Each Moment is Precious

When you receive that phone call or email that a friend has had a stroke, there is always that period of shock. No matter how well I know it, I so seldom think of our own mortality or really live as if every moment is precious. If I did, maybe I wouldn't spend my moments in the way I spent them today. If every moment I spent today was consciously precious, here are the moments from today that I would keep.

I would keep:

• sleeping in after the alarm clock rang with two dogs sleeping on my feet, a cat on my chest, and my husband snoring beside me
  
• My older son asking for a hug
  
• eating breakfast and dinner with my family
  
• watching the end of the Four Musketeers with Michael York (I mean he was in the movie, not beside me--darn!)
  
• a car ride conversation about why God allows people and animals to suffer and the inconclusive conclusion that it must make us better somehow
  
• Having lunch with my young son at Wendy's and reading silly riddles from the "Elf Happy Meal" book and laughing hysterically at these jokes. "What does a Gingerbread Man pull over him while he sleeps? A cookie sheet."
  
• people staring at us in the parking lot of Target as we took turns doing silly walks, which we did so that shopping wouldn't be boring
  
• taking time to let little son play video games at two different stores
  
• thinking about my mother and how I love her
  
• "I love you" and a kiss from my husband
  
• writing a Christmas card to my best friend from college telling her I loved her
  

If this were my last day, there are some things I wish I had not spent precious moments on:

• Telling my sons not to argue
  
• arguing about whether video games are bad for your brain and what the optimum number of hours someone should spend playing them should be
  
• gossiping about other people
  
• feeling resentful about feeding the dogs and cats
  
• worrying if I had bought enough Christmas presents for my family or if they would like the ones I bought them
  
• caring that the newspaper wasn't delivered on time
  
• getting the email that my friend had a stroke, and wishing I had known about it when it happened instead of seven days later
  
• talking to a therapist about the horrible things in this world and my powerlessness to stop them from happening
  
• thinking about myself and my aches and pains
  

I guess if each moment is precious then I want more love and laughter and friendship.

Have Yourself a Merry little Christmas

I don't think the wicked really think that what they are doing is wicked, rather they have all kinds of ways to justify their behavior and treatment of others as justified. "If you didn't make me so mad, I wouldn't have hit you." And shamefully, sometimes those who love them also make excuses for the wicked. "He only makes sexual advances at his son's wives when he's had too much to drink." If this is beginning to sound personal, that's because it is. I am really tired of wickedness -- of having to circumvent it at Christmas time and other holidays, and of having to feel that it is my responsibility to circumvent it and not the responsibility of those who know it exists to name it and make it leave.

For one Christmas, I would like to spend the holiday with an extended family who act as a loving family. This does not apply to my immediate family (my husband and my children), but to that family that extends beyond. And, I don't mean a family where the people love each other, for I think that both my family-in-law and my biological family have love for each other-- but I mean a family where people treat each other with loving kindness and respect and who acknowledge that no one, no matter if they are the patriarch of the family or not, has the right to treat someone else as their personal sex toy or punching bag.

This Christmas, God, what I want, please hear my prayer, is not to have to play musical chairs on the sofas and chairs, trying to keep my distance from Uncle Rabbit, who "Just wants to get to know me better." I don't want the responsibility of keeping exact track of how many ounces of alcohol he is drinking so that I know when to make myself scarce. I would like to enjoy my holiday dinner without the anticipatory hug goodbye, complete with butt squeeze from the old geezer. I would like to enjoy my holiday without the petrifying fear that this wicked man may be preying on children as well. I want to be able to relax and enjoy myself and not be the object of someone else's wickedness. Really, Lord, is that too much to ask?

Reading the Bible this morning, I see that it has many advices on sexual misconduct and all of them say it is wrong. It also says, that the wicked will get their reward and that God sees all of it happening. But it doesn't have very much advice for the victims. "Turn the other cheek," "Leave revenge to the Lord," "The wicked will get what they deserve in the end." Meanwhile, like Job, we suffer. Not just me, I am old enough to decide not to spend Christmas with wickedness or to be un-Quakerly and kick Uncle Rabbit in the balls. My tears this morning are partly for me, but mostly for the many people who do not have a choice -- the children, the oppressed, the victims-- who will not have a merry little Christmas in the laps of the wicked.

I am mad at God for allowing this wickedness to happen. If I were him, I would shine a large spotlight on it in the middle of the family party. People would stop talking. They would look up from their conversations in surprise, they would see Uncle Rabbit's licking his lips and moving his hand toward someone's thigh. The world would stop to stare wickedness in the face. And then, I fear, after having a glance, the family would say, "Wow, that was wierd, pass another shrimp over here, willya?" and go about their business.

For what is more wicked than the deed itself are the many people who know it is occurring, but rather than confront the person who does it, tell the person it is done to that it is no big deal. "He only does it to women who aren't his blood." "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it." "It only happens when he's drunk more than one and a half gin and tonics." People who make excuses for wickedness are like the friend who holds the woman down while the other guy rapes her. Under law, they are just as guilty. They see evil and look away. They allow him his fun at the expense of others.

So have yourself a merry little Christmas. But remember, the prince of peace didn't come to redeem us all so we could make believe the decorated house and the beautiful food and he well dressed people were what they seemed. He came to crush wickedness beneath his heel and redeem us from sin.

Santa Claus and Truth-Telling

This Christmas, I am really wondering why I ever started telling my kids that Santa Claus really existed.

My parents didn't celebrate Christmas in its religous sense. They didn't believe in God; they certainly didn't believe in the virgin birth. It wasn't a time our family gave charity to the poor, because my parents didn't give charity...period. In other words, the Christmas tree, the stockings, the reindeer, Santa Claus, and the gifts he brought were Christmas when I was a little girl.

When I asked my mother whether Santa Claus existed, she always said, "Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas." In retrospect, I suppose it is true, but as a child, it made me think of the Christmas spirits of Dicken's tale, and shudder a little. Santa was a jolly old ghost, who only haunted on Christmas eve, inexplicably leaving gifts, rather than scaring children.

I remember when I realized that it was my parents, well, my mother, and not Santa Claus that left the gifts beneath the tree. I felt betrayed. I felt that the magic of Christmas was gone. What remained was a feeling of emptiness-- of need-- of never having that abundance be enough. Because then I realized it wasn't Santa who had failed to deliver my dearest wishes, but my own mother who knew very well what those wishes meant to me.

So I don't really know why I started this lie with my own children or why I perpetuate it even when my two older ones have told me that they suffered their own version of the betrayal once they understood the truth. When my seven year old son asks me if Santa is real, I say, "A lot of grownups like to pretend they are Santa because they can give things to people without being thanked." Essentially, I weasel my way out of telling the truth. Santa and the Easter Bunny-- these are the two big lies I cling to as a Friend.

I think the lie -- and the excess it created -- started innocently enough. I wasn't a Friend when I began the Santa Claus lie. My family made it easy. The children were mesmerized by it. But each year it got harder and harder to pepetuate the lie without lying even more. I had to hide my present stash from my children, like an addict. And every year, I felt I had to be more and more excessive in the buying of gifts. Because every child knows what their parents can and cannot afford, but Santa Claus is an unknown. Even if you know your parents are scrimping and saving, Santa is all powerful and all knowing. He can create magic and miracles, and so we misplace our hope for miracles in a myth created by our consumer culture.

Today my youngest son was in tears because his friend down the street was laughing hysterically when my son said Santa existed. I told our neighbor, just like some people believe in God and some don't, some people believe in Santa Claus and some don't. (My older son said sarcastically, "Yeah, God is Santa Claus for grownups.") But I don't think the two are the same. I started myself down a slippery slope and now the lies are like avalanches which bury the truth.

How do I tell the truth when the lie is so much more beautiful?

Violent Toys for Christmas

In two weeks time, in our Friends Meeting, we’ve been told we can find out why we shouldn’t buy violent toys for Christmas, but I am not so sure that playing with violent toys creates children who grow up to be violent. I think there are many reasons people are violent. Some have brain damage or dysfunction, some were the victims of violence themselves, and some become violent from fear or powerlessness. For me, it isn’t the toys, it is the conditions that create violence. These conditions, not the toys or real weapons feed violent behavior. And sometimes, I think it is healthy for children to play out feelings with play about violent things. On a recent afternoon walk, an oak gall became a thermal detonator in the hands and imagination of my seven year old son. As George Fox said, “You can’t kill the devil with a gun or a sword.” So too, you cannot exterminate violence by turning all the swords into ploughshares. Or to put it another way, you won’t eradicate violence by giving your kid a Barbie doll instead of a GI Joe.

Some vignettes from my life regarding violence and toys...

When my two older children were small, I scrupulously removed all weapons from sets of Legos and Playmobile. Much later, my children figured out that their friends who had the same Lego sets had spears in their sets. So eventually you cannot control the world. Your child will be exposed to those things you so carefully deleted from their experience; someone will give your child something “violent” as a toy. It first happened to our family when someone gave my daughter a rubber band gun. I thought, “Do I pull a General Noriega and “disappear” the offending object?” Instead, I carefully explained to my daughter that we didn’t believe in guns and playing with guns. Real guns, I said in my most reasonable voice, kill people. “Mom,” she earnestly replied, “When you have pretend monsters under your bed when you fall asleep at night, you need pretend guns to be able to get rid of them.” I realized then, that children don’t think about these toys in the same way adults do.

Imagine now, the scene is the Concord Naval Weapons Station during the bombing of Operation Desert Storm. Weapons were shipped out of Concord which would then be dropped on Iraq. I was standing in front of weapons shipments, being arrested, then coming back and standing in front of trucks and trains carrying bombs. I truly believed that if we rid the world of these bombs, violence would cease.
Then came Rwanda. People without weapons of mass destruction went door to door with machetes and committed genocide, slaughtering as many people as our soldiers had killed with bombs. So too Bosnia. We can get rid of the bombs and guns...maybe...but can we get rid of the other tools too that people use violently? Machetes? Knives? Hammers? Blunt objects? Oak galls? I realized then, that it isn’t the weapon. It is the human mind and heart that creates this evil. The devil resides within ourselves, not in the tools we use to do the bidding of evil.

Finally my adopted son was subjected to the powerlessness of foster care, with its requisite early breaking of attachments, with some physical and mental abuse thrown in for good measure. Like a good Quaker mom, I was shocked when his emotional distress at a year and 6 months caused him to chew himself until he bled, to bang his head against the floor until he bruised himself, and to scream in anger for so many hours that he was hoarse for days afterwards. This was the a new twist on the “terrible twos.” When he began the violent play, and saying he was going to “Trim off my neck,” or “chop me into little pieces and eat me and drink my blood” (this at the age of four) I thought I was raising a serial killer. Too, I was raised in a household dominated by a sadistic father with little regard for society’s rules. Violence, and the avoidance of its consequences was the way of my childhood. When my son became violent, he was threatening the “center of peace and tranquillity,” what T.S. Eliot calls “the still point of the turning world,” I had created as my domestic haven.

Three years and a good child therapist later, I have come to believe that it was my inability to allow him to play out the violence he had experienced (in ways that didn’t hurt himself or others) that created even more violence in his behavior. As soon as I accepted those sage words of Mr. Rogers “scary bad wishes don’t make things come true,” and as soon as I realized that playing that you are defeating bad guys with guns, swords, bombs, spears, poisonous spiders, (not to mention Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, ObiWanKenobi, and Harry Potter) was a way of working things out, I began to relax and allow him to play. We set aside special times to play violently. Why? I became convinced that he needed to play seeing his biological mother strangled to unconsciousness. He needed to play being pulled from his bed after bed-time by cops and child protective services while his biological mother screamed with grief and rage (which became the basis of a repetitive play with a doll’s house and people sneaking through the windows at night only to have their butts kicked by not one, but two Batmen). He needed to play out being separated in the first two years of his life not only from his biological mother at birth, but from his first foster family, then from us, and then again from his biological mother. No wonder he wanted to “trim” someone’s head off.

When I think of toy guns, I think about the children of the parents who carry guns. Should we deprive children whose parents are soldiers, police officers, hunters, or prison guards the ability to play out what they can otherwise only imagine their parents are going through? Should we deprive the brothers and sisters of soldiers toy guns like those their siblings carry? What about the children who are pulled from their beds at night as our soldiers secure houses in Fallujah? How about children who witness the car bombings, the shelling, the killing? Are we really saying that they shouldn’t be allowed to make sense of this violence happening without their consent or agreement? Who are we to decide children shouldn’t be allowed to play out their powerlessness with powerful imaginations, and with toys that hold cultural power?

I long for a day when violent toys no longer interest children because they have no need to understand violence itself.

When William Penn asked George Fox what he should do about wearing his ceremonial sword, Fox replied, “Wear it as long as you can.” I am reminded of the words of Paul, which occur just after his famous passage defining love.

For we know in part, and prophesy in part, but when
perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I
talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see
but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to
face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am
fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:9-12

We don’t like to see children playing with violent toys, using oak galls as thermal detonators, or sticks as guns, because in them we see a mirror of our own darkness. Children didn’t create the culture of violence we inhabit, but they have a strong desire to understand it. Still, taking the toy gun out of the child’s hands is not to make the final choice for the child. The choice of evil or good is one that must be made by each individual, almost daily, out of love for divine creation, not because it is forced on us. By minding the divine, we come to know ourselves fully -- in so far as we are able. Children treated violently will tend to treat others violently, unless taught otherwise. I am walking proof of this. We wear our childish ways for as long as we need them. Adults and children cease playing things as we begin to understand them. I, for example, am compelled to watch Star Wars over and over. It was only recently that I realized that Darth Vader was my father too.

We should certainly think carefully about toys that can only be played with violently. I am not advocating buying Nintendo’s Super Smash Brothers for a pre-teen, but think carefully too about the reasons you object to your children’s play -- it is play, after all. I give my children the occasional Oreo cookie, but this doesn’t comprise their whole diet. We talk about healthy choices and the consequence of actions that feel good now, but might make you feel unhappy later. Violent toys are the same. Taking away the toys will not take away the imagination and the issues that create a feeling of need for it. “Moderation in all things.” I am much more concerned about a child who plays by pulling the legs off a spider than by a child that pretends to pull the legs off a GI Joe doll.

On that same walk, where my son was lobbing oak gall thermal detonators, he was also telling me about a play he has been imagining where the characters are knights trained in battle --soldier knights-- for he too sees the photos from Iraq, as much as I try to shield him. (Also, let’s be honest here, he wants to be in a play, wearing a knight costume killing a bunch of people.) In the play, a wizard appears and waves his magic wand over the knights. All of a sudden, war no longer exists. “But Mom, the knights can’t remember being trained as warriors, and now they have to learn to do something else. At first, they don’t know what to do now that war doesn’t exist. But then they have to figure out ways to help people.”
“Oh?” I answer in my non-committal mother voice, “like what do they do?”
“Yeah,” he continues thoughtfully, “Maybe they end up delivering mail or something. They could give people packages to make them happy. ”
I smile as he lobs another oak gall grenade. I recall the conversation we had in the car last week about what hand grenades are, and why soldiers use them, and what they do to the people they land on. My little boy may play violently, but deep in his heart he thinks soldiers should deliver mail to make people happy.